Tokki and (sour) cream sauce

I’m just a jack of all trades! I’m just totally underappreciated in this house. Just so you know, for the second half of last week, the boy was dragging himself around the apartment like a body without a soul, shrieking about how he wanted something good to eat and how he was craving some sauce-related food. And since the girl is, in her own words, “a busy woman and doesn’t have time during the week to waste time with sauce,” I wanted to make my biped happy for walking me so nicely and picking up my poop.

Since I’ve never cooked, all I know is that everything has to be cut into small pieces, I sat down on the sofa in my room and wondered how I was going to do it. While I was thinking hard, I chewed on my favorite fleece knot that the girl had made and tried to think of something that would help me make the boy happy. That’s when the knot fell off the couch and the edge of it flew under the sofa. I annoyedly jumped down and went to pick it up, when I discovered a box under the sofa that was tightly wedged between the couch and the floor.

The mystery box? And you can’t just take it out? That’s IronTokki’s job! So I clawed and scratched and pulled until I got the box out. In doing so, the cover moved slightly (maybe a little more than slightly) and so did the sofa itself… who knew our black sofa was actually yellow, such a betrayal. The box smelled lovely and it just increased the speed of opening the top lid. It sucked, so I had to make confetti out of the lid to get to the sweet smelling contents.

When I dug in after 5 minutes, I barked happily, because the box was full of candles… yay, wow, I’ m making a (sour) cream sauce! [For my English speaking readers, here is the explanation: In Czech, the cream sauce is called “svíčková” and candle is called “svíčka”… you get it now, right?] At lightning speed, I got to work. Of course, as I said before, I have to start by slicing! And so, I dutifully chewed all 65 tea candles and 4 long candles into little crumbs. I tried really carefully, as symmetry is important when cooking. The next step was to carefully mash the small pieces into a muddle, which the bipeds call sauce, by carefully treading it into the carpet and seat.

Unfortunately, before I started this phase, the boy returned home unannounced (as the girl had forgotten something). That was a lot of yelling and shouting again. The ungrateful bugger, one wants to make him happy and he’s acting like this. Moreover, he locked me in the hallway for the rest of the afternoon, telling me not to do something bad again. And so, during the afternoon, I at least ripped off the duct tape he had wrapped around the handles I had designed on the closet, so he would know that I didn’t respect him as an artist and that I wasn’t going to tolerate his art in the house.

When the girl came home, I got scolded for the handles and she laughed at the sauce thing. Who knew she wouldn’t flip like a nine-headed monster again? Without a word she started disposing my culinary masterpiece and that she took her time, I fell asleep three times while she was cleaning up. But she said “something will come of it in the end”, so I’m curious to see what she has planned, since she’s really good at making things. She made me a raincoat out of an umbrella, she’s making leashes and collars and even toys. So I’m excited to see what she has planned… as soon as I sniff it out, I’ll let you know.

Anyway, I don’t understand how anyone can like (sour) cream sauce, it smells nice yes, but it tastes terrible.